Showing Posts From
Girlfriend
- 12 Jan, 2026
I Love Her
December 16th, 2025 It has been a while since my last post, so much has happened since, I don’t think I could come up with words to explain just how much my life has changed, for the better. I’ve never felt happier than now, meeting my girlfriend was the best thing that could have happened. I have loved every second I’ve been with her, every text and call, and I only wish I could spend more time with her, however, school has been very demanding lately. This past semester was the first of my junior year and ever since my first day I knew that in this semester we would collaborate with a real watch company; I already knew it was a lot of work, but never imagined just how much and how realistic to a real job it would be. The a small team from the watch company came to our classroom one day, everyone knew to be in early. They presented the brand we were going to design for and gave us the design brief, an outline of what we had to do, as well as tools such as brand motifs a.k.a. codes and elements, fonts, and colors. I knew nothing about watches, how you would go about designing one and manufacturing it. At first finding the inspiration for the project was difficult, I just sat in front of a blank page, attempting just to sketch a generic watch. It took me a while to get started, but when I did, I researched how a watch was manufactured , the names of the elements, materials, the movement, and of course, researched the my brand and its users. Now, I actually cannot reveal much since I had to sign an NDA. I put together six concepts for the first phase. We work on 11 x 17 inch paper which I can only print with at school, and they wanted our presentations pinned up on large black boards along the walls of the classroom. The day before the presentation I went to school to work on my sketches, thinking, “I’ll be back by 9 pm.” That never worked out. I couldn’t finish my sketches and had to stay overnight to finish and print. Some of my classmates also stayed but eventually everyone left and when everyone was coming back for class, I was still there. Two of my concepts were picked, one that was very outlandish, and another that I finished 10 minutes before class; I had to move forward with these. And next came the initial CAD phase, one of my strongest suits. By the second phase, the model didn’t have to be perfect, but I obsessed over it. I read through the different movements’ spec sheets, figuring out which one allowed for a thin watch—reading how thick each part should be. I had fun, but I didn’t need to take so much time. My outlandish design had to be toned down a little, sharp curves were straightened while the main idea was still there. For my second presentation I had to stay overnight at school once again. For some reason, my university decided to observe a fall break this semester. They had already shaved off one week of classes and now another. Needless to say, I stayed at home, working on my watch for most of the day. The next week would be my Girlfriend’s birthday, and I was not able to be with her, I felt really terrible. It was at this point that I began hearing about the project being a competition. In the end, people would be chosen to present at the company’s headquarters and possibly win a scholarship. I just wanted to try my best, I believed I could do it, my teacher did too. Assignments began mounting at this point. I took on film photography to earn some credits, but it required me to go out and take pictures, it’s fun of course, but I was spending more and more time on the watch. Another of my classes involved a lengthy weekly assignment and I was starting to falter. For another class I had to design the interior of a vehicle, again, I know nothing about that. The inspiration never came, and I have not been able to do anything about it. Lastly, I have to put together a portfolio, which is still not done. I focused all my efforts on the watch design, sadly neglecting other clases. I did different dial ideas for my watch, as well as test colorways, later I did a 3D print and an improved CAD model. The day of the final presentation came, once again I had to stay overnight at school, this time having with me a formal change of clothes. Working at my fastest, I finished the presentation once people were already presenting. My computer was rendering all night views of the watch, as well as an animation. I presented the best I could, and after that I could finally relax. Except I couldn’t. The next week I found out I was chosen to present at the HQ, I was really happy, but tired because it was not over yet. By this point I began feeling weird, a little depressed again. Each semester always takes a toll on me, and this one specially was very hard. I could not focus on other assignments, I completely gave up on the car interior project. Some depression traits began happening again, lying on the floor, randomly crying, a lot of physical pain. My girlfriend always helped me push forward, she always encouraged me to do the best I could, and I’m very thankful for that. Next came the day to improve my presentation at the HQ. That was my first nine to five in a corporate setting, and it felt like I only was there for 2 hours, I did so much and still didn’t finish my presentation until the next day. A week later I presented with some of my classmates. It was strange, I’ve never been in such a place, the board meeting room, big screens, big table, reserved seat labels, meeting the top of the company, including the CEO. This time I had prepared a script for my presentation, but I was way too nervous, I was not speaking loud enough and got called out for it. It could have been better, but it was the best I could do. I didn’t win first place, but I was gifted a goodie bag with a watch, a bottle, a pen, and a couple other things. Now it was truly over. My photography teacher was real nice and gave the class As in the final assignments even though most of us didn’t do it properly—or at all. I presented an inclusive bench design for my other class and handed in two late assignments, declaring that class done as well. And today, I’m flying to Mexico for Christmas and to attend a wedding, as well as some important business. January 11th, 2026 I’m back… and this post seems to never be finished. After my girlfriend and I got together, we only had two weeks to ourselves before I went back to school. We spent time together while I could, but once school started it became harder to see her. I had been alone for years, and suddenly having someone who needs me—it’s still hard to get accustomed to it. I love the moments when we’re together, when we fall asleep together, but a part of me can’t help but feel that we’ve spent too much time together, it makes me leave so I can have alone time. I know it’s okay to want some time for myself, but I’d also like if I could handle spending much more time with her—it’s going to take time, but I’ll get there. I can’t imagine myself without her, really. Yes, she’s changed my life in a big way, but I love every part of it, I don’t want to look back. She makes me feel happy, loved, missed, cherished. Things I hardly experienced before. She’s helped me smile again, to enjoy things again. Lately, as I’ve been dealing with apathy, she’s still there for me, even when I’m too overwhelmed to answer texts and calls—she cares so much. I’ve never experienced that much attention before; when someone does, it even annoys me a little. But I couldn’t be more grateful to have her by my side; I love that she cares. She has made me the happiest I could ever be, I love her.
- 12 Aug, 2025
I Have a Girlfriend!
Changed original title from “Excited” This is a short one... I am very excited, and a little bit nervous. Last week, I attended again the trans support group I had been to over a year ago. As I went into the room, feeling paranoid, I spotted two people sitting at a table nearby; they were the smallest group so I figured I'd join them. We exchanged pronouns, and found out all three of us were trans girls. Instead of joining the support group session, we stayed outside and talked, we seem to really like each other. I was very quiet, as it was my first time out again that wasn't going to school, but I think I did good. We exchanged numbers and went our separate ways. The next day I received a message from this girl that I found really cute. We had talked about drawing and she wanted to see some that I have done. I was sooo nervous even messaging her. It's been almost a week, so I messaged her to see if she'll be going to the group and said she will. I'm very excited about seeing her again, I don't want to share much for now, but I think we have a good chance at becoming good friends. I wanted to get that out my chest, I'm so happy to have met her. Update 21:15 It was sooo good! We met again and talked for a while, she knows so many interesting things. She told me she appreciates how nice I've been with her, and later told me it's okay not to make eye contact, or try to act a certain way, I mean she was very nice about me being autistic. No one's ever been that nice to me before, I was about to cry. And like I said above, she also said we do have a good chance at becoming close. So yeah, I'm very happy! After we parted ways, I did break to tears in my car, but of happiness. We are planning to meet some other day, outside of the support group, so, let's see how that goes. I've been hugging my pillow so hard with a big smile on my face since I came back, and it seems she's also happy to have met me. Update 08/15 12:30 am I just got off a phone call with her! Yesterday, I randomly decided to ask her if she wanted to play a game together; I thought I would come off as annoying, but actually, she was very excited since she likes gaming a lot. I called her and we played Minecraft for some three hours. We played on Bedrock, and it really has changed a lot; after getting Java—legitimately—last year, I never looked back to Bedrock, I was very surprised you don't even need to set up a server, Xbox Live now allows you to invite friends to your world. We played with mods, which made it more interesting, though a little overwhelming at first. She started building a base, following her favorite design from past worlds. When my mom arrived home, she started asking me to do a lot of things, and I began feeling overwhelmed, so I told my friend that we should play later, though before disconnecting, I hid a cherry sign saying "You're cute :3" Since she kept playing, I told her I hid a sign for her, but a while had passed and she couldn't find it, so I told her where it was. We've been exchanging messages, saying how glad we are to have met, she says she really likes talking to me—I'm sooo happy!!! We played just now again, I got to talk to her again, we were supposed to wait until Friday, but we just couldn't wait any longer, lol. We played on another world, and while she was tending to her farm, she brought up my cherry sign; it made her happy, and although a little nervous, she called me cute! I felt shocked as I heard that, and immediately started crying, I was just so happy. We jumped onto the other world for a while and she had decorated the base so nicely, and got some gear for me. I saw on the Xbox app that she got the achievement for placing a sign during the day and immediately thought, "I have something to look for..." And yeah, she wrote me a message back. The gaming session tonight was very laggy, so we quit playing but kept talking; we might meet in person again soon! She makes me so happy, I really enjoy every minute I'm on call with her. I love how much she knows, even how she communicates, I mean, we get along quite well. Update 08/26 04:13 Oh my, the amount of things that have occurred in the last weeks, I’m sure I’ll get to write a proper update. I’ve gotten to know this person, we connect really well, I’ve been with her to the park several times, been on the phone for hours upon hours, we went to the mall, and to her place. Thinking there’s no way she could like me, I told her anyway what I felt, how much I like her, and… She’s my girlfriend now. We’re having a sleepover and I brought an air mattress, but didn’t need it since I slept with her on her bed. We kissed, it felt soooo good! I can’t even believe that all this is happening.Since this was a short post, I'll write about some updates for the blog. Maybe you have not noticed, but I improved the CSS theme, and now the blog looks cleaner. That annoying drop cap is gone, and the position of the rounded corners of the featured post adjust depending on the size of your screen. Next up, I'll publish a post on my story with computers. I know, it is very different compared to what I often write here, but it is a story I love telling, so, I'd love to write it down. Another addition will be an essays page, a small collection of essays I've wrote either for school or just for fun. Some include a petition to shift priorities from finding a cure for autism, to instead focus on society's acceptance and accommodation of our differences. Another focuses on the increase of hate speech on Twitter after Musk's takeover of the platform, yay, fun... And another one is entirely made to promote Derivakat's unique approach at making music live, with fans. Actually, about this last one, I wrote that Derivakat paper just before her rebranding, as the first Archive was dropping. I, just another one of her fans, am so so proud of her. Her music touches feelings that leave me smiling, crying, hoping. She keeps releasing amazing songs that are not just upbeat, but have such deep meanings, it's hard not to feel that happy-weepy feeling. Melody is a song that captures Kat's journey through songwriting so well, her music is truly awesome. Ever since I discovered Kat in 2021, she's been my favorite artist, and seeing her grow this much makes me very happy. Her last release, Archive #02: Desire has been accompanying me through my loneliness, and desire to be with someone. I wish I had someone to love, someone who loves me back—as I've recently come to realize, a girl. Anyway, that was quite the detour. Another addition will be an about me page, I plan to design little boxes with facts about me, something like the Wikipedia Userboxes. And I can guarantee you, one of them will say something along the lines of: "This user signifies an abrupt change in thought with an em dash (—)" I hate that em dashes have become a tell tale sign of text generated by AI. I use lots of them, and they come out of need for a slight pause, a little "out of the moment" in-line comment, that a comma simply cannot achieve. I will continue to use them for this reason, but please, just know it is me writing plainly, no LLM here. And, that's all for now. I really should go to bed, and this evening, I'll meet this cute person again, and hope we'll become close.